Back from Forced Hiatus 2 - This time... it's personal!

ELECTIONS

Yeah, I'm back from hiatus with some election ranting. I had to fight space aliens again... give me a break.

We're at that point, we're gearing up! We, as Americans, are getting back to the stage where we waffle between

Republicans

and

Democrats

and

Fuck it...

A Thanksgiving Re-Release

Well, Halloween is long over, so in the minds of merchants and die hard capitalists everywhere the next holiday in line is Christmas, but to turkey addicts and football fans there is something standing in the way of tinsel and carols: Thanksgiving.

One year ago I published a story where I went neck and neck against a frozen fucker of a turkey... and barely came out alive. I submit the story again, slightly embellished, slightly modernized, fully (hopefully) awesome:

Two Thanksgivings ago I was stuck up in Philadelphia alone while my girlfriend, my family, and everyone I ever liked were off having great times and eating great food without me. 

They always break out the confetti when I can't come!

Not that I'm bitter or anything. 

Nothing beats Thanksgiving alone on a bench... except maybe crying alone in a bathtub

However, I had won a free Thanksgiving turkey from my local grocery store and I had no intention of letting that go to waste. If I had a free turkey, I was going to have a free turkey.

I consider myself a bit of a chef, but I had never tangled with the likes of a full grown turkey before so, naturally, as a male, I assumed I would have no problem.

I assumed wrong.

Video Post Number 2!

Caramel Apples are DELICIOUS!

I recently discovered this, luckily a camera was present:



If you like the video, check out the other one on YouTube.

If you like the blog, go ahead and follow it! Remember, an angel will make you a sandwich.

The thrilling conclusion to Turn your head and PANIC! is coming soon!

Turn your Head and PANIC!

Going to the doctor is always terrible. There is always a risk involved, no matter how minor your reason is for visiting.

It's kind of like swimming in the ocean. Sure it isn't LIKELY that you will be eaten by a Giant Murder Fish (Pescisdeathus holyshiticus - the scientific name) but it is definitely possible. Had you not swum in the ocean, your chances of being eaten by said fish would be diminished.

"It is in my gaping maw that worlds end and dreams die!" - Death Fish

It is the same damn thing EXACTLY as going to the doctor.

It's just Filler... but it is sexy

Check this out, should keep you going while I prep a post. One will be coming soon, I promise.



Remember, if you like the blog. Go ahead and follow it, right over there on the right side of the screen. Every time you follow my blog, an angel makes you a sandwich.

Try it out!

Dress to Impress

In third grade I wanted to be a dinosaur.

I don't mean for Halloween, I actually wanted to be a dinosaur.

Unfortunately, once the school told me that I had to stop biting people and roaring in the middle of arts and crafts I was forced to settle for just being a dinosaur for Halloween .

Lucky for me, Jurassic Park had just been released, so the market was full of awesome dinosaur costumes! As I had waited until October 26th to decide on my costume, however, my only choice was a Velociraptor costume. Rather...  a Velociraptor head and claws.

But my head and my hands are intact... what do you mean you won't serve me!??

Lookout Behind You!!

Halloween is coming, don't look behind you... you never know when Watson is watching:






New post coming soon!! Enjoy some candy and a classic or two.