Well, Halloween is long over, so in the minds of merchants and die hard capitalists everywhere the next holiday in line is Christmas, but to turkey addicts and football fans there is something standing in the way of tinsel and carols: Thanksgiving.
One year ago I published a story where I went neck and neck against a frozen fucker of a turkey... and barely came out alive. I submit the story again, slightly embellished, slightly modernized, fully (hopefully) awesome:
Two Thanksgivings ago I was stuck up in Philadelphia alone while my girlfriend, my family, and everyone I ever liked were off having great times and eating great food without me.
|They always break out the confetti when I can't come!|
Not that I'm bitter or anything.
|Nothing beats Thanksgiving alone on a bench... except maybe crying alone in a bathtub|
However, I had won a free Thanksgiving turkey from my local grocery store and I had no intention of letting that go to waste. If I had a free turkey, I was going to have a free turkey.
I consider myself a bit of a chef, but I had never tangled with the likes of a full grown turkey before so, naturally, as a male, I assumed I would have no problem.
I assumed wrong.